Wednesday, August 17, 2011

For my friends: I have decided to post my real status - to explain why I have not been too active on the board and groups.

I have decided to post my real status - to explain why I have not been too active on the board and groups.

Deciding to tell my real status: It isn't the in-laws which are the issue - FIL and MIL are passed and I never had a chance to meet either one - one of the things which happen when one re-marries at an age.

It is my blood daughters - when I lost my house and I basically gave the eldest daughter who came to help me all the family heirlooms she then decided just because I had some health issues I was essentially non compus mentus. She decided I was to move from my house in rural Texas and live near them in an apartment in Buena Park, CA (Metro Los Angeles) -- on the edge of the ghetto and they would make all of my life decisions. I was making the horrible decision to smoke and thus because I had a half gallon of vodka to make herbal tinctures, I was a drunk. At the point she and her eldest daughter began wrongly but loudly stating all the things we would as health care professionals state to get a person committed to a mental hospital, I ordered them out of my home. She then contacted her sister and both of my step children telling them how incompetent I was and tried to totally alienate them from me. She was so magnanimous that she would allow me to keep 2 of the 4 dogs which I owned IF they could find an apartment which would allow them. I owned 4 old dogs, and was a temporary foster for others for a rescue organization

It has been almost a year and a half since I have spoken to all but my step-daughter here in Texas and her son. (Step daugher and her son are a blessing without price) Some of my grand children have quietly been in touch with me by friending me on FB. Neither daughter has said a word to me - I guess that all they wanted were the silver flatware and the Spode dishes which were my mother's and the family photos - which are gone forever from me. She, DD, was supposed to scan and send copes. Never Happened. I have no photos of my parents or family and I know the kids don't know any of them.

Not only have they stolen mementos of my family here on earth, but any reminders and heritage of my past. We share the same religion, and they continue to be very active in the church (Continually letting the world know how righteous the are) - my only solace is the grand children are being raised with that value system - I hope - but . . . I don’t think she realizes this is how she is teaching her children to treat her elders.

Luckily, I have been adopted by another family -- no blood relation - but closer than my own flesh and blood at this point. I am their 'grandmother'. With that, I have the closeness and love and support I don’t get from most of my blood family.

How much problem would it take to pick up a phone and call me - or email me. All contact from daughter is to one of the adopted grand daughters usually to the extent of 'has she (me) come to her senses yet?’ But she is sure to point out that she is a good Christian Mormon. If that is what a good human is - I am not so convinced I want to play in that sandbox. Not what I see living life as Jesus would.

I love my girls and step-sons and grandchildren - wonder if they feel the same? Thank God for FB - that is the only way I know what is happening with my grandchildren. Though apparently one of the grand daughters has un-friended me.

The daughter and SIL are 'preppers' and I can only hope that they read this and understand that I love them - just not those things they have done to me. (I am re-posting this on my FB page) Sorry for all the non-family/dog friends who get this also – not your problem to solve – but you are a VERY important support group for me.)

My "unforgivable sin" was not giving up my life as I knew it and letting them totally run my life as they saw fit. They did the same thing to his his Mother has passed and God only knows what human dignity he still has been allowed. The other set of grandparents lived in the town where Maureen O worked and I at least could make sure that all was well with them from her until her change in job.
 If hurting me is her goal - oh how she has succeeded. And the only reason I have not sunk into very chronic depression is my adopted family. But life goes on. I am 66 years old, as far as I AND MY Doctor know, in good mental health, fair physical health and hopefully have time to teach my new family all I have learned throughout my life to make their life better. And my other friends are treasures.

 Thank you for reading this, I am tired of carrying the heartache and burden by myself. What are friends for and if I can't share - well I guess I will find out who are friends and who are aquaitences. Please do not feel you have to repond just sharing has helped lift a big weight from me.

Just hug your kids and parents- and think before you do somethng which may hurt them to this extent. Remember, it is never too late to mend fences and relatioships as long as they are alive.


  1. Wow....what bravery it took to share this. I'm just sorry I don't live closer. But we're always just a "post" away. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs....

  2. Wow, you're 66? I'm 64, and from what you say here, I'd think you were more like 86 or even 96! My dad left us at 73, and Mom held out to around 95. 66 is certainly not the age of Alzheimers and dementia with no turning back... In your 50's and 60's, that should be the best time of the kids's lives as far as having a good, "typical" Grandma. She's "old" but not "too old"!

    But you know, I've seen so many cases like yours, where the kids decide -on their own- that "it's time" to commit Grandma and get their inheritance, all of it. Yes, things like that have even happened in my own family. Infighting over the estate and will is also very common, and creates many more family feuds than we'd like to admit.

    Best wishes to you, and take some solace in knowing your problems are not unique. Many of us old fogies are rooting for you and can give you some good tips in dealing with family. All you need to do is ask.


  3. Dearest Bilinda:

    I have been aware of your struggle for this last year and a half, and have worried for your physical self, not your mental self which I know is as sound as the Rock. I have watched your relationship grow with your new family, and but for them, who I know make you so happy, I would have long invited you and yours to come and live with me. However, that is a standing invitation if ever you should choose that way. I too wish that I lived closer so we could be two grumpy old ladies sitting on the porch consoling one another. I don't know who said it, but "You can choose your friends but you're stuck with family. I left my family (except my son), when I realized they don't care about me, but only what I have. You have chosen well as you have many friends who love you dearly.

  4. Great big hugs darlin' and you are not alone.

    I divorced my father's greedy family when they wanted my mom to turn over the paltry insurance benefits he left to me when he died. I was 15.
    I divorced most of my mother's mother's family at that time too because it had finally sunk in that during the year since my great grandmother's death they'd swiped all the family stuff, including photos, and had no intentions of sharing.
    I divorced the rest of my mother's family when they failed to be ANY kind of supportive when I developed health problems (and we were already "separated" due to the way they treated my mother during her terminal illness).
    My son's father and his family have never been around for him or me. They called me a slut/ho for getting pregnant at 17 but he was an angel although he fathered 7 kids (that I know of) out of wedlock on younger women and only partially supported 3.
    I was 42 when I had strokes and that's when the control bug seemed to bite my son worst so he's now at arm's length.

    Not trying to redirect in any way but I know there are others out there who may not feel up to "fessing up" just yet and we should all know we are not alone in this. There should be no shame on us for THEIR behavior.

    Ain't blood family wonderful? Great Goddess I'm grateful for friends and fur buddies and a deep and abiding faith in something bigger and better beyond this paltry life!

  5. Makuyi & YukonAugust 18, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    Bilinda, the fact that you posted this shows just how strong you really are. Mentally unstable? I think not. Unable to care for yourself? I think not. So sad your daughters chose to hurt you in every way possible. Just remember, they will eventually have to answer to a Higher Power when their days on earth come to an end. Hang in there. Remember your Mal family loves you dearly and will always be there for you. Stand your ground my friend.

  6. I will take Dogs over relatives any day, anytime, anyway. I have been blessed to be the only child of an only child with only one child. And sometimes even that's a bit much. Chin up, shoulders back, smile on your face and Dogs in your life. And one chorus of "United We Stand." We are all with you, if not in Texas, in Spirit. Hugs to all the Furkids and to you, my Friend, our love and support. j.

  7. 66! From your description of your daughter's treatment, I had expected you to be over 90. 66 is young; 60 is the new 30. Some women are just getting around to having their first children at that age, forget grandchildren.

    I assume you have done this already but, if not, get a good attorney and write a will that makes sure the evil daughter cannot get anything. Make sure money and a caregiver are chosen for your dogs so there is NO chance the horrible children can have them killed. Create a power of attorney document giving that power to someone you trust in case you are ever incapacitated by illness of injury, and a living will with a designated health care proxy whom you trust (so your evil daughter or her brainwashed minions can't pull the plug). Finally, you may be able to take legal action to get your family heirlooms back & give them to some other relative who will cherish & preserve them.

    I am sorry to hear that you have been having such a rough time. As an atheist, I know there is no afterlife in which your daughter can be punished but, hopefully, she will suffer in this one for her shocking callousness & selfishness. That she would even consider trying to make you give up your dogs is so appalling that it makes me incandescent with rage. That shows her true character & she is clearly a monster.

  8. Bilinda, I don't know if you remember me or not. My husband Kevin and I (Ronni) adopted Delilah (renamed Tundra) from AMAL and you came out to check our yard. I'll never forget when you said we had 'malamute heaven' in our house.

    Kevin and I came out to your place to drop Tundra's special food off after Tundra passed, and I knew something bad was going on in your life. But you were an inspiration for me, and that's the truth, because you were living your life on your terms, taking your knocks like a pro, and you never complained.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this now, but ultimately you'll win because your children will pay at some point in their lives. What goes around comes around. I truly believe that.

    Please take care of yourself and don't stop taking care of the dogs. They need you!